Why I’m Starting to Be More Selfish & Why You Should Too

February 16, 2018

The last couple of weeks have been hard on me. I’ve realized a few things about the people in my life at the moment, and have come to the realization that once again I’m getting screwed over, here.

I’m always the one trying to smooth out angles, to please everyone because first of all I hate conflict, the whole thing just gives me a ton of anxiety and, because I like people to feel happy. But it appears that I am the only one doing that. People seem to believe that support, kindness and compassion are a one-way thing only directed to them. Well, no. I can understand if someone is having a hard time that it can be difficult for them. I get that. I get the whole “be nice without expecting anything else in return”. But when you give and give and give and never receive anything back, it’s just tiring and honestly, I don’t have time for that anymore.

I’m very lucky to have a support system who are always there for me and can give me a good pep talk when necessary. But I’m just sick of feeling disrespected, shamed and be the third wheel all the time. How can I encourage people to be empowered and feel proud of who they are if I let people treat me like this? Friendship should not be about being there and nice to someone every once in a while whenever they feel like it, or keep abandoning someone when shopping or pretty much body shame without even realizing.

So I’ve decided to become more selfish. From now on, I’m going to make efforts only with the people who deserve it. I’m not going to waste my time with people who want to make a fuss about little things but rather with people who are actually happy for me about my achievements, encouraging and who I can talk to endlessly without fearing to be judged or feeling judged. Always being nice to strangers is one thing, and something I feel very strongly about, but being nice to your friends shouldn’t be an option or it’s not called friendship.

I hope I don’t sound too harsh or very negative and over-exaggerating. I’m just stating what feels true right now. I’ve had a great news today and realized that the people I wanted to tell it to were not who they should be if they really were there for me. I keep wanting to see only the good in people but sometimes, one must acknowledge the bad side as well and that’s what I need to do right now.

If you feel like someone close to you is not respectful, there for you, happy or proud of you, please do yourself a favor and distance yourself from them. And if once cut you feel better, just cut ties. I’ve had to do that so many times it’s scaring me, but in the end, it’s always for the best.

Have you ever felt like that? What did you do?

12 responses to “Why I’m Starting to Be More Selfish & Why You Should Too”

  1. hannah says:

    I wholeheartedly agree. I love to really boost up the people around me and encourage them fully. My friends recently turned 30 and I made a few of them birthday boxes with lots of individually wrapped presents, handwritten confetti and personal cards inside. One friend I had to send her box to her parents house, so they could take it to her in Spain (as she was living out there at the time). I considered her my best friend and had the presents all ready a month in advance. When it came to my birthday, im not even sure I got a card. I have known this girl for 11 years, travelled together and was there every day when she was going through mental health problems. Ive decided to distance myself as I see her behaviour has become even more selfish since. I feel better for not trying to push something that maybe isn’t there anymore. Sometimes it is best to just let go 🙂

    • First of all, you sound like an awesome friend. Taking the time to make someone’s birthday really special is amazing and you should feel good about that. It’s really great that you were able to take a step back and realize that you deserve better, it’s not easy to do. You go girl! xx

  2. Charlotte says:

    I can completely relate to this post – I’ve always found it hard cutting ties with people but recently I’ve been distancing myself from toxic people and I feel SO much better for it!!

    -Charlotte x

    • It’s so hard indeed but one of the best decisions you can take for your own good! I’m so glad you are feeling much better thanks to it! Thank you so much for sharing, it will give strength to people in the same situation to cut loose from these kinds of people! xx

  3. Anonymous says:

    For me too, this post is so relatable. Thank you so much for sharing Gabrielle. It feels at times like things won’t get better, like the ‘right’ kind of people just won’t come into your life no matter how hard you wish it. I have faith in what will be…

    Hope & Wilson

    • Thank you so much for reading! I do find it hard sometimes too, I feel like I keep befriending the wrong people as if I am unworthy of good friends. But let’s not think like that. As bad as it is, it’s a life experience and I am sure we will meet the right kind of friends in the future! Stay strong… xx

  4. Always Cleia says:

    This is such a relatable post. I think we all have a friend who treats us like this and never considers how they treat other people. I’m dealing with the same issue, I’ve decided to cut loose some old friendships that I haven’t been feeling good about for a long time. It’s hard to let go but I’d rather find new friends who respect me as opposed to those who walk all over me 🙁 I hope you are able to do the same!

    • I’m so sorry you are dealing with this as well. It’s such a hard decision to take but the best for you I am sure. I am cutting loose as well, I decided to stop thinking low of myself and to stop letting people treat men badly. I am sure it will make us both way happier and that’s what we deserve! xx

  5. Beautifully captured! As you aptly posited, no one should be treated as an afterthought. Even so, one should not base his or her actions on what another person does or does not do (not saying you’re guilty of this). I believe the good in you—the authentic you—will shine bright enough to attract those who are on similar frequencies. Hopefully, this same light will dispel the darkness that resides in some people’s lives. Keep being the phenomenal person you are!! 🙂❤️

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