8 hours ago, I turned 25. As of August 16th, I have spent a quarter of a century on this planet.
Twenty-five years ago, just thirteen days after turning 25 herself, my mother gave birth to me. It feels so strange to me to be the same age as her when she was having me.
Though as per usual, I’ve been saying I’m “nearly 25” for a few months now, it still has this strange connotation to it, like it feels older than I am? I also have this image of how a twenty-five year-old should look like and what it means in terms of where to be in your life: adult-looking, as her sh*t together, as a job, a solid group of friends, has an awesome super well-decorated apartment, goes on holiday with said group of friends and is confident in who she is.
And so I feel like a failure. Like I haven’t achieved as much as I should have in the past 24 years to fit the criteria and therefore am a loser. I know it’s absolutely ridiculous, especially since I’m the first one to say everyone is on their own timeline and nobody should tell you how to live your life. But this feeling has been creeping up on me in the past few days and I can’t shake it off (yes, we now all have Taylor Swift’s song in our head, you’re welcome).
But I also try to see it differently. I know this year will be a turning point for me. Despite how terrified I am, I will be trying something that I’ve been wanting to do for a long time – years. It’s risky, ballsy of me to be honest and something I can’t stop thinking about. And you know what they say: if you can’t stop thinking about it, don’t stop working for it.
So I know the next year of my life will be full of new experiences, doubts and hopefully successes, challenges and lessons, but also of growth. I am determined to do my best to try to overcome a few problems I’ve dealing with that keep taking a toll on me and holding me back: lack of self-confidence, comparing myself way too much, bad body image, feeling of failure, self-doubt that I want to work on.
Twenty-five will be the year I will try to push my fears on the side to make room for achievements. I am a believer in the fact that comfort is the enemy of success and that anything that can bring you growth and accomplishments takes place beyond your comfort bubble.
So I try to focus on that. To focus on what’s ahead instead of thinking about where I should be. I need to stop comparing how other people who are 25 are living their life because, hey, it’s their life. We don’t all have the same journey and don’t accomplish our goals at the same time in life. And that’s okay.
I find comfort in focusing on what I have achieved so far and the battles that have been won instead:
- I have 4 degrees
- Did 4 internships, including one in the US at the ripe age of 18, on my own, for two months.
- Was accepted for a year abroad in the U.K. and got my degree
- Am in a healthy, happy long-term relationship
- Am surrounded by parents and a sister (and doggie!) who love me and want me to be happy
- Live in a great apartment that is slowly coming together
- Can speak French and English but also understand Spanish and Portuguese.
- Can now manage my anxiety to the point that it’s no longer ruling my life
- Have way less sleepless nights due to anxiety
- I’m learned to handpick my friends to only keep the ones who allow me to be myself, grow and with whom I can be totally honest with.
- I am always trying to improve myself
Overall, I think I am quite excited about turning 25 – yeah I know it doesn’t really sound like it, does it? – because it means so many more experiences and memories, successes and lessons learnt, moments spent with loved ones and many cry laughs. And that’s what living is all about. That’s what growing up is all about.
So twenty-five, BRING IT ON!
Photograph : @snowlaura