What a start of the year January has already been…
I have been feeling very strange during the past month if I’m honest. First of all, January seemed to have lasted the whole of 2017, and the fact that the weather is quite dreary hasn’t helped. This was also the month I started to search more seriously for my internship. I started early but because the offers were only for (and still are for a lot) for January/february time or ASAP offers, I hadn’t applied or looked more deeply. Now my internship starting in less than two months, I am starting to feel a bit more anxious about it. I find it difficult to find an offer that is very close to what I am looking for. To be fair, I think I want something that doesn’t exist – like working for something that would resemble the Lauren Conrad blog organization but this girl is dreaming. I also don’t really trust my skills if I’m honest with myself. I’ve never been the confident type but every time I need to prove myself for something work-related or of some kind of importance, I never think I’m good enough for it. I always think I’m going to not be up for the task and fail and disappoint or make someone angry.
This internship search is also very stressful because I’m only searching in the city I am currently living in, as my boyfriend is doing his internship there. Last year was too hard being away from him for 6 months, I want to make sure we’ll live this together. Plus, I absolutely love living in Grenoble and feel comfortable there, and, I desperately want to be able to continue going to my gym. I love it there and it has helped me tremendously anxiety-wise so having to stop going or going there will be very hard.
The fact that in 2 months I will no longer be a student scares me too. I have been studying at the University for the past 6 years and only know about it. Sure, I’ve done internships but never for more than 4 months. I’m afraid that I won’t like it. I know, it’s a bit stupid as it’s what awaits all students and people in general. I think it comes from the fact that I’m not sure what kind of job I want to do. I would like to have some kind of flexible, not really a 9-5, creative job where I could really put my input on it.
The thing is, the more I think about it, the more I think I would like to work for myself, or to create something to work on along with other people. It all came from my blog I think. I feel so good creating something from scratch, being creative and feeling proud of a post. I like never knowing exactly where I’m going to go next and having ideas and seeing them through. The only thing is that I don’t think I can work alone. I don’t deal really well currently being on my own, I think I need a bit of interaction to feel creative, so having someone to bounce ideas with would suit me well. Maybe it’s also because at the moment I am not working for something for me entirely. It’s never really projects close to my heart but more something that needs to be done for my education. But when I have the time to only think about my blog like I did in August/September, I felt so much more creative and inspired so maybe it’s just that.
Growing up is scary, isn’t it? Having to figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life, where you want to live, how you wish to spend your days is quite scary to me at the moment. I’m also a bit unsure about living abroad at the minute. I’m just a bit more aware of leaving my family behind, having a family abroad and raising my kids without seeing my family much etc. I’m so lucky to have a very understanding boyfriend who reassured me that we had time to decide if we want to move within the next few years, travel, have children and then move or just stay here. It’s not that I’m now totally against the idea, I think that I am just a bit more aware of what it would entail and it’s an important decision to take.
How was your January? Have you had a bit of struggles like myself? Are you as excited as I am for spring coming soon (I know it’s still in nearly two months but I need to think it’s coming soon right now)
(If you have read this far – thank you, you’re a champ!)