How to differentiate a toxic from a healthy friendship

January 16, 2019

The title might have made you roll your eyes. Because, surely anyone can tell when a nasty person has made their way into their life? Well, it’s not always so obvious actually. I’ve had my fair share and I can tell you, they creep up on you.

I’ve started reading Lily Pebbles amazing book “The F word – a personal exploration of modern female friendship” and it got me thinking. Friendship is such a funny thing. It can be  just like love at first sight, it can grow slowly and strongly, some last, and some fade, but all in all, it’s one of the most important things in your life.

So making sure that the people you surround yourself with are healthy for you and bring the best version of yourself is oh so important. It’s the key to your happiness.

Over the years, I wrote quite a few posts on friendship. On friendship in your 20s and how hard it can be, a talk about friendship, on having a good clearout and on being more selfish, I’ve touched base on different aspects of this singular relationship. Now’s the time to talk about how to distinguish a toxic relationship to a healthy one.

IMG_1022The Ones you should cut loose

People who make you doubt yourself should be banished from your life. Friends who judge your choice, your decisions in life or make you feel bad about them have nothing to do in your life. Shoo.

If you have to tiptoe, it’s time to go. Real friends are people you feel totally comfortable around. You don’t look at the time, subcontiously wait for other people to be around or are careful around with them.

Playing a role around people, not showing them your true colors should be sign that they are not good for you. Friendship is all about being raw, open and unguarded.

“I just think I’ll do this better than you, no offense”, “can you really do that?”, “I mean, I do this so well” and other stupid criticism and low-key “I’m so much better than you” phrases should equal get out of my life.

The Ones to keep close

True friends are people who lift you up, make you feel like the world is your oyster, they share your doubts, help you figure things out during hard times. But never, ever make you feel less good than.

You never feel like you have to filter your talk around them. You know they won’t judge, they will understand your train of thoughts. And if they do say something, it will come from a place of love, of deep affection and without any judgement.

Even if you are different, you understand each other. You make sure to see things with through their perspective because you know them so well.

And even if you don’t see them often, whenever you do it’s as if you last saw them the day before. Nothing has changed. They are here to stay.

4 responses to “How to differentiate a toxic from a healthy friendship”

  1. Jenna says:

    This was a really good blog 🙂 I think it is important to remember that there can also be toxic people in your family also. Just because they are family does that mean that they should belittle you or fill you with joy. Thanks for writing such a good post. xx

  2. zoey says:

    Great post! I completely agree, although I find it difficult cutting people out of my life, when it’s been 7/8 years of when we became friends.
    I need to focus on friendships that make me laugh/happy and are bringing joy to my life.

    Zoey |

    • Gabrielle Snow says:

      Oh how I understand the struggle! I think it’s easier if you try to do it slowly, step by step so that it doesn’t feel too sudden.
      Yes girl! It’s what friends should bring us and you absolutely deserve it.
      Sending you strength lovely xxx

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