Goodbye 2019?! What, already? But also, finally?
I don’t know about you but 2019 has been a weird one for me. On one hand it has been on of the hardest years of my life so far and I am glad it’s coming to an end. But on the other, it’s one of the 25 years of my life that has enabled me to grow the most. And it goes hand in hand doesn’t it? Struggle and growth.
I’m quite glad it’s coming to and end, but I’m also sad to see another year done and gone, too. I feel weirdly melancholic at the end of the year, as if time is slipping through my fingers somehow. I remember my mother always saying « time is going by so fast » when we were growing up and me thinking « well, not really » but I was a child or a teenager, always looking forward to a playdate, time off, reading during the weekend, a vacation, a sleepover with my best friend or seeing my boyfriend over the weekend.
I was always wanting to grow up, mostly so that the people my age would get more mature to be honest. Does it make me sound like a prick? Maybe, but honestly if you went to school with the people I did, you’d think the same. All this drinking and partying around you when you don’t drink and prefer a cozy night in eating Häagen Daaz ice cream with your best friend whilst watching rom-coms really makes you feel like a grandma, or an outcast depending on what they thought.
But I digress.
This year also is pretty different because it’s the end of a decade. A decade. Wow. Honestly, I wouldn’t have noticed straight away if I didn’t read it on Twitter. It’s so crazy and exciting and scary but cool. All the emotions basically.
And twenty-nineteen… what can I say about you? You were a rollercoaster and a big learning curve. But an empowering one, too.
This year, I realized that I am tougher than I thought I was. When life throws things your way you never thought could happen to people you love, it takes a while to get a hang on things. But you do, you do manage to get a grip and toughen up. Because you have no choice and because it’s not entirely about you. No matter how much of a Leo you are. People count on you and if you don’t accept, let go and move forward, nothing good will happen. I am a big believer that everything happens for a reason, no matter how hard and awful it is. It happens to show you things, make you come to terms with a few realizations and help you grow.
For a few years, I had been stressing out a lot about my dreams and how to make them come true. This year really was the one where I came to terms with the fact that I needed to make a change, to take a scary leap of faith and just start, take the future into my own hands and just do it. I can’t stress out enough how hard it was. Nights of tossing and turning, days of overthinking and months of feeling like I was juggling with hot apples (not a saying, but it sound okay).
But we all know that nothing happens by staying in our comfort zone. I also very much liked the quote that @sussexroyal posted on Instagram in November « Courage doesn’t mean you don’t get afraid. Courage means you don’t let fear stop you« . Big mood right there. I can’t even tell you how many motivational quotes I have screenshoted and saved in the past year. Written courage I call it. 2019 really showed me that it was time, time to roll up my sleeves and go for it.
Even though I’m going to be honest and say that I don’t have many people I get to call friends and family, I’m very, very grateful for the ones I have. To the ones that stuck by my side and picked me up when I fell – often. To the ones I can laugh with, text long depressed messages to, go on photoshoots with, to my sister who will always make me laugh, give me a verbal kick to the butt and will kneel on the floor or do lunges to take the best pics. To my boyfriend who has been here through thick and thin and always manages to make me stop crying or just let me cry it out without judgement, just accepting that’s how I’m feeling and what I need.
2019, you’ve been a learning one and I’m okay with how challenging you were. You helped me grow and I’m grateful for that.
Thank you, next.