Last week was a hard one. Whereas weeks usually flow by, this one dragged along, everyday was a struggle and I was not feeling like my normal self. But I know why.
For the longest time, I had no idea why I would feel like this: down, overly sensitive, depressed, moody, unmotivated… I realized it happened quite often and then it hit me, it’s always during that time of the month, that week when things get hard. We don’t talk about how much periods affect us, how hormones can change you. It’s not taboo, but for some reason, we don’t really talk about it.
There has always been this saying whenever someone is moody like “are you one your period or what?” and whether it’s true or not, it has installed a clichÃ© but not an explanation. We don’t choose to feel like this because as most of us girls know, it’s painful and mentally hard to be on your period. And last week, it hit me hard. Very hard. I’m lucky in a sense that I know what is going on when it happens so I can act accordingly.
When I’m in this “don’t talk to me I might cry/get angry for not reason/ totally lose it” mode I know that I need to sweat it off. So, I went to the gym and crushed each workout whilst trying to eat well (though chocolate and sweet things were calling my name every hour of the day), rest, not speak without thinking, look at the bright side or do my best not to think too much so there was a lot of tv show watching. One of my classmates the other wasn’t feeling well, she told me “for some reason, everything annoys me, I don’t feel motivated and I just want to go home and rest and see no-one” and because I was feeling the same I told her that I knew that for me it was because I was getting my period and she went “Oh! I’m getting mine soon, that’s why!”. I felt so glad that I could somehow make her feel better about how she felt, and that it was normal. It happens to all of us. I don’t think it justifies everything, but it does really affect me so I’ve learnt to acknowledge when it’s the hormones talking and when it’s just a normal reaction.
Lately, I’ve also had this thought that I haven’t achieved enough yet. I guess this concept comes from social media, online and celebrity worlds promoting people who have made it young and can give the idea that somehow, you should make it at a young age to be a source of inspiration and be a girlboss. Though I know that big things come from hard work, dedication and a fair share of bad experiences and failures, for some reason, I sometimes feel I am not achieving enough yet.
I’m 23 and I feel like a failure.
When I am in a more positive mindset and I think of that I know that I shouldn’t, I’m on my 6th year of study, I’ve done 3 internships and a year abroad, I’ve travelled, met people, grown, learnt, I have a blog I love, … So why should I feel bad? Things come from those who wait – and work their butts off to get there. I should feel proud of where I’m at in my life and set myself more goals instead of focusing on what I haven’t achieved. Some women who inspire me have worked very hard to get where they are today and I use them as an inspiration rather than using other idealistic examples.
And when I’m not in the best of mood, all I can think about is bloggers, youtubers, brand founders who have made it in their early/mid twenties. People who have an amazing job at my age, people who know where they are going and who seem to have it all figured-out.
I try to remind myself that each person sets its own path and nobody will achieve things the same way and have the same personal goals. Just go for what you yearn for and work hard to get there, it doesn’t matter when you achieve them, it matters that you do everything in your power to get there.
I guess I just needed to get these things off my chest. Hopefully, I’m not the only one feeling like this, I think society nowadays puts a lot of pressure on us to be perfect and do great but doesn’t show us differences paths and talk about everyday life issues.
Have you had these issues yourself? How do you deal with them?