Friendship in Your 20s

April 20, 2018

Friendship. It’s a relationship with someone who usually isn’t a member of your family (though it can be) and isn’t someone you want to have a “lover” relationship with. It’s someone who makes you happy, who you can rely on, that brings something positive to your life and a member of your support system and cheerleading squad.

You can make friends anywhere: at school, work, within a sport team, at a party, through mutual friends, through the Internet, in the bus, and anywhere you could imagine.

Making friends is such a big part of our life growing up. It’s the first person you share a toy with at school, the walk you instinctually walk towards in the schoolyard, to whom you would tell about a secret crush. This person becomes your confident, the one who always has your back, who is honest with you. The person you run to when you have a good news and the first person you contact when you are sad. It’s who you cry laugh with, share inside jokes, watch movies and TV series and learn life with . 

I’ve never been the type to have a ton of friends. I prefer having a handful of friends I can totally rely on and feel 100% comfortable with than just having a lot and not know them in a more personal way. I’ve found that it has been quite the struggle for me to make strong friendships after the end of High school. It was way easier back then to make friends and see them all the time, we would live in the same city, go to the same school or have the same school hours, we had no other responsibility but to do well at school and enjoy ourselves. 

But after that, it all became quite different. Except for the first two years, I didn’t study in the same city and in the same course each year. I would meet people I had a few things in common with and then never see them again after May. It was fine by me, I think if I really wanted to have a strong relationship with them, I would have done more to keep in touch. I never really found anyone I felt really close to. 

When you are in your 20s, everything starts to shift a bit, it’s no longer only about fun, but it’s also about juggling with a lot of things – going to university or finding a job, paying bills, doing the food shop, growing as a person and figuring out who you are and what you want. And all of that takes a lot of time and energy and it can be hard to find the time to nurture your relationships.

The fact that we are always on the go and busy makes it quite difficult as well to look after your friendships or to make new ones. We never “have time”, we are tired, we always have a million things to do that comes first and find ourselves quite lonely at times.

Social media is not a helper on this one as well, showing us everyone’s “perfect life” and making us envy people showcasing our amazing friends. But what we must remember is that a friendship, like any relationship is hard work. It’s a connection that needs to be taken care of, nourished, that takes time and energy and that is not to be taken lightly when it’s serious. 

I have to say that I don’t think I’m the best at friendship, I find it hard to contact the person because I always think I’m too clingy and I’m bothering the person. I think it’s me trying to cling on to something that is strong only in my head when it’s probably not. I always think I’m going to bother the person, that they “don’t care” or just don’t want to talk to me. It’s a bit stupid, I admit, but in a society of consumerism, friendship can also be consumed and tossed aside once something better comes up. 

Working along people older than me has shown me how much change our generation is going through on every front.

But we must remember what matters in life and friendship is definitely one of the things that make us human beings and happy.



2 responses to “Friendship in Your 20s”

  1. Always Cleia says:

    Friendship gets really hard when you aren’t constantly in social situations like in high school. Even as an adult people start diverging in their choices and it becomes harder to stay friends with people once they have a career, significant other, kids, etc.
    I always thought it was so sad that my parents never seemed to have a lot of friends anymore, but now it’s happening to me and I guess that’s normal? It’s kind of hard to adjust to.

    • Definitely. It is quite hate when you don’t have “special” occasions to just meet people and create a relationship. Now it’s just seeing people at random but never having a real connection. It’s a hard thing to adjust to indeed. xx

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