I guess it’s hard to understand how much time it actually takes to blog and how hard it can be. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love it. Blogging has allowed me to create a space of my own where I can share my creativity and passions.
However, I am struggling. Sigh. Regularly. Deep sigh…
My creativity can be quite… irregular. I have this moments where I am buzzing with ideas. Last week I managed to plan and write (most of) the posts for the whole of September with three posts a week. I felt so happy about it and quite satisfied that I managed to do what ‘big’ bloggers can achieve all the time – plan, prepare, schedule in advance. Because of college and then my internship, I found it really hard until then to manage to brainstorm and prepare in advance, I usually got an idea and would finish the post the day before if not minutes before posting it which can be quite stressful, and often meant I didn’t get much relaxing time. So when I get ideas, I write them down immediately on whatever I have on hand.
But I also get long periods of time where I feel totally uninspired, often because I am quite tired or have really low self-esteem and feel like my ideas are bad. I scroll through Bloglovin and I’m like “ugh, my ideas are so bad in comparison…” and then think that my ideas are not good enough and decide against them.
Comparison is one of my biggest problems in life generally, and in the blogging world. There are so many incredible bloggers out there with a bigger following and amazing blogposts, photography and engagement. I know that for some of them, it’s their full time job – the dream – and/or they have been doing this for years (or are basically better at it). However, I cannot stop comparing myself to them. I struggle to grow on Instagram, Twitter and, to be honest, to even get views and likes. It’s not what blogging is all about, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes when I’ve worked so hard on a post and I don’t get results, it can really affect how I’m feeling.
I have reached over 100 followers on WordPress whilst in Brighton and just got 100 followers on Bloglovin. For some it might be good but me being my comparing-self, I feel like me not growing much may mean that my content is not good enough. I am trying really hard not to let my negativity get to me but I have to admit that sometimes, like when writing this, I am feeling quite down. I know comparing yourself is bad and we shouldn’t do that, but you know, it’s one of those days.
Bigger sigh. Well… I am not really good with social media when it comes to my blog. One of my biggest problems is that I am very demanding when it comes to what I put on social media and feel like the aesthetic around me is not good enough to be shown on Instagram – basically I’m not crazy with the aesthetic of my feed atm. Plus, I have a low self-esteem when it comes to my body and well, face, so I have a really hard time posting outfit shots or even just makeup looks on social media. When I scroll through my Instagram and see so many beautiful shots from my fellow amazing bloggers, I always re-think posting a shot of myself. Like even my new profile videos took about 180 photos for me to finally decide on one ‘good enough’ to change my old dark profile photo.
Twitter is quite hard as well as I have a hard time just saying what I think and answering other bloggers’ tweets for some reason. I am trying to get better at it but some days I post nothing at all and feel like a blogging failure because I’m not putting myself out there.
I have been on WordPress for 2 years now (thank WordPress anniversary reminder!) but as I said, have only been seriously blogging since I guess really April-May. And ever since I have had a WordPress free template and domain name. It didn’t really bother me until about a few weeks ago because now that I am more serious about blogging, I feel like having a more elaborated theme and your own domain name would make my blog look more professional to readers and companies. It also means that I could be more creative and make it look more personal. I have found a template on pigdig that I love but being money-restricted at the moment, I think it’ll have to wait a bit and for now, keep the bad template and wordpress blog name…
Now, I really hope that this post won’t come across as me being unclear or ungrateful and only wanting to whine a bit. I just want bloggers or even non-blogging people to know that they are not alone if they are feeling low and compare themselves endlessly. I am working on not being so hard on myself and you should too. I also hope that anyone reading this will understand and realize that sometimes you go through a bad patch and that’s okay. You need to have lows to experience highs, so that’s what I tell myself to cheer myself up.
Bare in mind I am also writing this on the rainiest day ever, with no wifi and a bad internet connection whilst alone with my negative thoughts for the entire day … Now I’m gonna go watch the Desperate Housewives rerun on TV and put on my softest Primark fluffy socks with a cup of tea and spicy tortilla chips…
Do you ever have any blogging struggles? (please say yes…) or life struggles at the moment?