Well, what a surreal experience this is, huh?It’s officially been 3 weeks since France is on lockdown and I don’t see it coming to an end anytime soon. It’s been a rollercoaster so far. So many emotions. So many mental challenges. So many questions. I had never in a million years imagined that this could happen. A lockdown. It’s unheard of.
The first week was the easiest I think. The situation felt eerie, we had never been in a situation where our lives are so regulated. Seeing so few people in the street, hearing little traffic, seeing people wearing masks and/or gloves, having to walk far away from people, being very cautious not.to.touch.your.face.. My boyfriend was working from home for the first time ever and it felt so new and nice to have lunch with him and pop out of the office for a little laugh and cuddle whenever I want. I was pretty much addicted to the news. I spent hours on Twitter, Youtube, Instagram trying to read and listen to and keep up to date with every new piece of information. My screen time exploded.
The second week was hard. My anxiety started to get worse, the weather wasn’t great so unlike the first week, I couldn’t spend afternoons working from the balcony. I felt lost. I didn’t know what to do. Should I plan? Can I plan ahead? I was still way to addicted to the news, I found it hard to put my phone down for more than 10 mins. I felt like crying a lot.
Last week was “better”. Better because I realized that I needed to change things around if I wanted to stay sane and calm. I’ve started to listen to myself more. What do I need today? A chill yoga session? done. A few hours of work and then play the Sims? Okay. Actually put my phone down and limit my consumption of social media and the news? oh yes. I also started to live one day at a time. Like I said, I’m one to plan, plan, plan. That’s how I feel in control and what keeps me calm. But in this situation, I just can’t. So I just think about the current day. No planning for tomorrow. Just today. Since everyday things evolve, there is no point in me planning ahead, is there? All I can do is take care of myself.
In the past three weeks, I’ve also been quite hard on myself. I feel bad that I was feeling bad when some people have it worse than me. I am not on the frontline, fighting to save lives, I don’t have to go to work so that people can have access to food, medicine or their basic needs. But does that mean that I am not allowed to feel? It’s okay to feel. I’m human. I’m concerned. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I am aware of people suffering. So I’m trying to make peace with myself. I’ve been doing Yoga with Adriene‘s videos every morning and it’s been doing me a lot of good. This woman is amazing and her outlook on life and humans really makes me feel better.
I’ve also made a point to workout 4 to 5 times a week. Exercising as always been a massive help when it comes to my anxiety so I knew I couldn’t stop or ease off during lockdown. It’s been going great actually. I workout after my “work day” so at around 6pm for about 30 to 40 minutes and it’s been good. A chill yoga session in the morning and a sweaty pilates session/run in the evening is a good balance for me.
Lockdown has been renewed for another 15 days from March 31st (so until April 15th) and we still don’t know when it will stop. I don’t think anytime soon but I find it easier not to think about it and as I said: live one day at a time.
I really hope that you are doing okay and able to be safe. I know that here in France people, jobs are less impacted than in other countries so I do hope that you don’t have to worry too much about your financial situation right now, as well as everything else.
Let’s all just try our best to stay positive and remember: if all you did today was get out of bed and have something to eat, you’re already doing your best.
Sending you lots of love and strength,