It’s been a week today since I’ve last worn makeup. I didn’t plan it, to be honest but after three days in Paris, getting sick and being very tired, the thought of putting products other than skincare on my face felt like a chore. I didn’t have anywhere to go and would be working from home everyday anyways, so why bother? The fact that it meant not having to spend those 5 gruesome minutes taking it off at night definitely added to the daily thought of “naahh, not today”.
I’m usually very self-conscious of my uneven skin tones, keratosis scaring and my small eyes. Without makeup, I often feel unattractive, undesirable and well, less than I guess. Even though I know that makeup is there to enhance natural beauty and not create it, I still have this thought that my beauty decreases if I’m not wearing some. A little bit of mascara? +20%, some foundation? add some extra 15%, highlighter? +15%.
I was surprised when, on day 3, after deciding to go on a walk to get some exercising in, I realized, already outside that I wasn’t wearing makeup and hadn’t thought about it. I had just put on my coat and boots and got out the door, no thought relating to my bare face crossing my mind. The brisk air on my face felt just as great, the crisp air in my lungs relaxing and the sound of the leaves under my boots calming. It didn’t matter what I was wearing – or not wearing – on my face. What matters was how I felt.
The true liberating realization came last Saturday. My sister and I had gone to visit my parents that weekend and it had snowed quite a bit there. Everything was a beautiful shade of white, with the light reflecting and the sun shining. We decided to go outside, in the garden so she could take some photos and I could have fun walking on the thick layer of snow. I’m 25 but the sound of my weight on the snow still is something that makes me very happy.
At some point she told me to move a little bit to the left and an impromptu photoshoot started. It was when the first half was over in the front garden that I realized that first, I was wearing pajama bottoms and second, that I was wearing no makeup. I always put makeup on when shooting content. It makes me feel confident in front of the camera and I love playing with shades and colors to compliment my clothes. But I had felt confident still, without wearing anything. It wasn’t planned, we just enjoyed the scenery so much that we decided to create physical memories that day. As always the professional photograph, my sister played with the light in such a beautiful way that you don’t really focus on my face, but rather on the beautiful snow and leaves, the magical sun flare and winter wonderland around me.
And it felt so special, so raw and somewhat I didn’t care about how people would respond to the photos on my Instagram. Because I loved them and wanted to share the gorgeous shots Laura had taken. The fact that I wasn’t wearing any makeup felt irrelevant. What matters was that at that moment I was content and confident.