I’m definitely not a ‘pat herself in the back’ kind of gal. I’m more of a ‘you should do more. Look at what X and X are doing that you are not’ person.
Whether it’s at work, in my personal life or regarding my side hustle (aka this little blog you’re kindly reading), I’m always looking at ways to perfect everything, new things I could do but never actually taking a step back and acknowledging what I’ve achieved.
I’m a perfectionnist, but not in the checking everything twice, just in case” type, oh no. I’m the type who thinks that evrything she does is not enough, could be better, needs work on, compares herself and work to everyone else and downplays everything because dang, comparison is the killer of feeling proud.
And with that comes all of the disappointment, despair and fear that I will never do anything good enough to achieve anything.
So for 2019*, one of my resolutions was to improve my self-confidence. In my opinion, self-confidence is the key to everything: feeling good about yourself, feeling beautiful, having the courage to do what scares you and the guts to do what could fail.
A way I’ve found to help me to be kinder towards myself is to speak to people in my close circle about this. Whether it’s shifting the conversation towards it or asking straight “do you think I’m a failure??”, talking about it helps. As for many things, verbalizing thoughts can really help to see with a different perspective and through a different set of eyes. If they truly care about you, chances are they will tell you if you are shying away from actually doing the work. For example, I know that my sister will damn straight tell me if I’m feeling sorry for myself or if I’m complaining about something but not doing anything about it. I call it “tough love”.
Another way is through meditation. Now, I don’t mean going into a transe like an out of body experience looking at your past. We don’t all have a pensine hanging around either. I’m talking taking some time away from technology or anything distracting and just think. Think about what you’ve achieved so far, big and small and just assess these achievements. Were you proud when they happened? How did they impact your life? Do you think there is anything else regarding them that you could do? Sometimes we are so caught up with our daily life that we forget to take a step back and reassess.
I have a hard time actually switching off. I want to do so much that I end up finding it difficult most days to just relax. Because my blog and social media are a hobby I’d like to turn into a job (will that ever happen crosses my mind every single day), I try to allocate as much time as possible working towards that. But it results in having trouble to focus on what I’m watching at night without being on my phone planning or editing content, engaging or catching up with the latests post. And at the weekend, I try to write and create the content for the following week, take photos and edit them so that I don’t freak out of I don’t have a blogpost ready for the next day. I decided to give myself Sunday afternoons, but I often end up creating Instagram stories, sorting out photos or continuing to edit on my phone when I should be taking some time for myself.
But it’s so necessary! I know that I feel so much better when I’ve actually switched off. It gives me time to take a step back and actually live without planning, thinking (read over-thinking) or worrying for a bit. When we are caught up with our life, daily tasks and routine, it’s so hard to assess things well.