You know that feature on Snapchat that shows you flashback from the year before? Well, I was about to send a snap to my mom the other day – my only use of the app recently – and came across photos and videos I had sent the year before. It felt so crazy to see things that in my mind happened a few months ago and realize that no, it was a year ago.
Looking at these flashbacks made me realize how time flies but also how much I’ve changed in a year. I’m proud to say that I’ve changed for the better, I’ve grown as a person and achieved quite a lot this past year.
I’ve decided to give myself a little pat on the back and review a few of my proudest accomplishments from this past year- yes it’s June so technically not the end of the year but the student in me feels like it’s the end of the academic year so…
This has been the biggest change for me. For years, I was a slave to my anxiety. I wouldn’t do anything that didn’t fit in my comfort zone, I needed to follow a routine, to have a plan for everything, to avoid surprises, crowds, to go places alone. I slept very badly and didn’t feel like I was in charge of my life.
But something changed in September, maybe the hard work of the previous years finally paid off and I was finally able to sleep better, to handle my anxiety and keep it quiet most of the time and to go out of my comfort zone more and more. This remains the biggest change and one that led to the other achievements.
Following on my anxiety, I think what also has changed is my mindset. I have a more positive approach, I don’t worry as much as I used to but rather seek the good and the learning curve of everything. It hasn’t been easy of course, but I think growing up and having the chance to grow along people like my boyfriend and an amazing friend I’ve made this year has definitely had an influence on that.
I’ve also noticed last weekend that surprises don’t freak me out and set out my anxiety like it used to. I used to hate not knowing where we were going (like for my anniversary last year when I totally freaked out) or not having a plan in advance to search my future surroundings to seek for comfort and control. Now, I accept it and actually enjoy the thrill of not knowing. I’m not saying that’s 100% of the time, I get peaks of anxiety still but not as often and as bad as I used to. Again, seeking the positive is helpful.
I’m a Master’s graduate! I still can’t believe my college years are done and over with. I’m both very happy and very scared I have to say. I’m so used to the routine, settings and frame of the University life that it feels very strange to know I’m never going to be in that situation again.
But I’m also very curious about what’s to come. It really feels like a new chapter opening and for the first time I’m really the one in charge. But don’t get me wrong, I’m totally shitting myself, but it’s also very good for me to have to get to know myself more so that I can make decisions that will help me get where I want to go.
This year has also been the year where I’ve got to know myself so much more. Again, is it part of growing up? Part of a quest of getting to know who I am? I don’t know. But I have learnt what I want to do and what I don’t want to do. And to be completely honest, realizing some of that has been quite scary for me because it opens up new challenges and obstacles. On the other hand, it’s been so relieving to realize that I’ve known that all along. There were hints all throughout the years but now I’ve put the pieces together and I know that these realizations haven’t come out of the blue. They are what I truly want inside.
The path to my dream job will probably be a long one with tons of obstacles, setbacks but also tons of opportunities for me to grow as a person. And I’m so excited for that.
These past 12 months have also helped me get to 500 subscribers on my blog and that is one hell of an achievement for me. It’s been hard to grow on my blog and social media to be honest. The blogging and social media spheres are so full of people who want to make it that standing out is harder and harder. But thank goodness, I’m very passionate about them so I’m not giving up. As a forever perfectionist and comparison freak, I tend to overthink and analyze and downsize everything, but on good days I’m able to see what I’ve accomplished and be proud of myself.
Because if I’m not proud of myself, who will be for me?