The last couple of weeks have been hard on me. I’ve realized a few things about the people in my life at the moment, and have come to the realization that once again I’m getting screwed over, here.
I’m always the one trying to smooth out angles, to please everyone because first of all I hate conflict, the whole thing just gives me a ton of anxiety and, because I like people to feel happy. But it appears that I am the only one doing that. People seem to believe that support, kindness and compassion are a one-way thing only directed to them. Well, no. I can understand if someone is having a hard time that it can be difficult for them. I get that. I get the whole “be nice without expecting anything else in return”. But when you give and give and give and never receive anything back, it’s just tiring and honestly, I don’t have time for that anymore.
I’m very lucky to have a support system who are always there for me and can give me a good pep talk when necessary. But I’m just sick of feeling disrespected, shamed and be the third wheel all the time. How can I encourage people to be empowered and feel proud of who they are if I let people treat me like this? Friendship should not be about being there and nice to someone every once in a while whenever they feel like it, or keep abandoning someone when shopping or pretty much body shame without even realizing.
So I’ve decided to become more selfish. From now on, I’m going to make efforts only with the people who deserve it. I’m not going to waste my time with people who want to make a fuss about little things but rather with people who are actually happy for me about my achievements, encouraging and who I can talk to endlessly without fearing to be judged or feeling judged. Always being nice to strangers is one thing, and something I feel very strongly about, but being nice to your friends shouldn’t be an option or it’s not called friendship.
I hope I don’t sound too harsh or very negative and over-exaggerating. I’m just stating what feels true right now. I’ve had a great news today and realized that the people I wanted to tell it to were not who they should be if they really were there for me. I keep wanting to see only the good in people but sometimes, one must acknowledge the bad side as well and that’s what I need to do right now.
If you feel like someone close to you is not respectful, there for you, happy or proud of you, please do yourself a favor and distance yourself from them. And if once cut you feel better, just cut ties. I’ve had to do that so many times it’s scaring me, but in the end, it’s always for the best.
Have you ever felt like that? What did you do?